Carrie Berndt doesn’t believe she is exceptional, but she knows God is—in spite of her sin. 

Carrie became sexually active in high school, contracted STDs and eventually became pregnant. In 1985 she visited an abortion clinic. A routine ultrasound revealed a miscarriage and a D&C was performed.

Years later, after Carrie’s marriage to her husband, Chard, infertility led them to a specialist in Salt Lake. Results showed Carrie couldn’t conceive due to scar tissue in her ovarian tubes—a possible result from her high school experience. The specialist tried to convince the Berndt’s to consider in vitro fertilization, but they felt it was not God’s plan. “We thought it would be an attempt to have it our own way.” And, they were confident God was leading them to adopt.

It Couldn’t be Better

Carrie says “Even though I didn’t admit it, I did this to myself. But, God used my sin and poor choices to give me a heart to adopt and trust Him.” The Berndt’s have adopted four African-American children, three with special needs. “It’s ironic that the child I miscarried in my teens was African-American. God has done more than I could ever hope, dream or imagine. I don’t feel it could be any better [with my family].”

Just as God knits a child together in a mother’s womb, Carrie is confident God has knit her family together in a different, but equally unique way. “He planned exactly who would be in our family. We [Chard and I] accepted adoption as God’s choice, not ours. Sometimes I thought ‘I made this wrong decision and because of it, I can’t have children. I’ve ruined my life.’ Now, I know God can give His very best, even when we’ve blown it.”

Love Isn’t for the Fainthearted

Carrie knows first hand that loving special needs children is not for the fainthearted. “When you make up your mind [to love], you take it as it comes and you open your hands to give God control.”

Part of letting go meant the Berndt’s decided they would accept a child of any race. “I didn’t want to tweak our family to our own liking. It’s scary business choosing your own child. As we moved from our first adoption to our last, God opened our eyes to what He could do and, as a result, our range of possibilities broadened.”

Eli, the Berndt’s first child, has adjusted well to family life and his new siblings.

Isaiah, 8, their second adoptive child, was a “coke baby.” He had seizures and physicians said he would most likely have cerebral palsy.  But, he hasn’t had a single seizure since his adoption—a testimony of God’s healing power. ADHD has also been a challenge, but medication helps. 

God’s “broadening” also led the Berndt’s to adopt and love Brittany and Brandon; their third adoption siblings, 10 and 8 who were both fetal alcohol syndrome babies. Carrie says both experience emotional challenges. Brandon has ADHD and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and was also diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder, a condition in which children have difficulty emotionally bonding with others.  Brittany also has RAD, ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Carrie says both have made progress since their adoption.

Of these struggles Carrie says, “The healing of hearts is a gradual thing. When you are in the thick of the problems, you think you’ve barely inched along. But, I refuse to believe that God is not going to make good.”

Greater Good

Through their adoption experience, God has performed Romans 8:28 in the Berndt’s marriage. “Being forced to trust God and put our family in His hands has made us [Chard and I] rock solid.”  Of herself, Carrie also says “I am not a perfect parent but God gives me the desire and follow-through to give our problems to Him.”

One way God has helped Carrie is by giving her two verses that helped her through the grief of barrenness and onto the decision to adopt: Isaiah 43:19, “Behold, I do a new thing,” and Psalm 27:13, “I would have despaired unless I had believed I would have seen the goodness of God in the land of the living.” (NIV)

It’s All God

Carrie says people often put couples on a pedestal who adopt children of another race, or special needs kids. “But,” says Carrie, “it’s just another way God works. He uses people who are willing. We are in awe of our children and the path God has chosen for us. Nothing we’re doing is exceptional—what God is doing is exceptional.”

Shana Schutte is an editor for Focus on the Family's Pregnancy Resource Ministry.