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Heartlink > Directors > Abortion

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Does Abortion Affect Men?

Daniel’s Story

“Ten years have passed since my unforeseen encounter with abortion. I was 20 and my girlfriend was 17. We were immature, in love and uniformed. It was a cool, rainy day in October when I stopped on my way to work to talk with her mother.

I was concerned that ‘Ann’ hadn’t seemed herself for the last few weeks. What I found out that day has had a profound effect on my life- I learned that ‘Ann’ had had an abortion.

To this day I have been trying to understand why. After the abortion, our relationship deteriorated, and we went our separate ways. I have not been able to maintain a stable relationship since.

The desire I had for life and what it might hold did not seem as important to me after I learned of the abortion.

The death of the child my girlfriend was carrying lives on in my memory. It is hard to describe what it feels like being unable to deal with something such as this. The abortion devastated my emotions. Had I inquired in to what was bothering ‘Ann’ sooner, I might have made a difference in the decision she made.

I have thought so often of what things might have been like if she had not had that abortion…what it would have been like to see our child grow up. It’s hard to discuss a subject like this with anyone.”

Men experience post-abortion trauma. The fact isn’t always openly acknowledged. But it is true. Thousands of men just like you suffer silently, deeply and alone.

It’s okay to hurt. It’s good because it shows that you care. But those hurts must be dealt with so that you can out the abortion in perspective and get on with your life.

You may have hurt from one of several reasons:

  • You may have pressured or encouraged your wife or girlfriend to have the abortion.
  • You may have consented to the abortion even though you wanted the baby.
  • You may have known about the abortion ahead of time.
  • You may have tried unsuccessfully to stop the abortion.

How do you feel?

  • Are you angry or bitter against the mother, her parents or the doctor.
  • Is guilt gnawing at you because you couldn’t (or wouldn’t) stop the abortion?
  • Are you filled with grief over the loss of a son or daughter that you will never know or hug (in this life, at least)?
  • Do you believe God won’t forgive you for failing to save that baby or for ignoring your responsibility as a father?
  • Do you feel helpless in a society that has allowed a woman’s right to privacy to take away your opportunity to become a daddy?
  • Do you feel betrayed? Do you feel like crying? Do you feel alone?

What Can You Do About These Feelings?

Wounds from an abortion experience often take time to heal. Here are some things you can do to help your healing process.

  • Admit your responsibility in your baby’s death. Although you may have not wanted the abortion, if you were involved in an immoral relationship that led to the pregnancy, you share the guilt.

  • Turn to God. The truth is you can’t cope with this on your won. God doesn’t expect you to. That’s why he offers forgiveness and healing through Jesus Christ.

    Jesus came to earth to die on a cross, was buried and rose again. He did that to pay the debt you owe to God for the wrongs you have done in your life. Romans 5:8 tells you, “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

    Receiving Jesus into your life is an act of faith that says, “ I believe in my heart that Jesus died for me.” You can turn to God right now, through Jesus Christ. Ask God for forgiveness and help.

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