Sanctity of Human Life

How to Help Others Who are Struggling with a Past Abortion

by Dr. David Reardon, Ph.D.

Here are some things you should and should not do when ministering to a person who is experiencing pain from their past abortion.

DO listen patiently. They are trying to sort out feelings. Verbalizing them with someone who will listen helps.
DON'T shut them off by changing the subject.
DO reassure them that we all make mistakes, we all sin. However, all sin can be forgiven. God wants to forgive us.
DON'T condemn them for making a bad or immoral choice.
DO reassure them that their feelings are normal. Others have experienced the same thing and found healing.
DON'T deny that they lost a child.
DO allow them to vent their anger toward others.
DON'T encourage them to blame others for the abortion. But don't push them to forgive others either, especially when they are in the initial stages of venting their anger and rage.
DO allow them to regret their choice. Remind them that we all learn from our mistakes. Even a negative experience can be used to help others.
DON'T insist that they did the "right thing" or the "best thing" at the time.
DO encourage them to entrust their child completely to the care of God. Reaasure them that on a spiritual level, their loss is only temporary. Someday they can be with their child in heaven, and they will be able to ask for, and receive their child's forgiveness. Encourage them to attend post-abortion counseling at a local CPC.
DON'T leave them without encouraging them, over and over again, to find and accept the help of post-abortion counselors or peer groups.

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