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Because of You
A Heart Turned to Truth
Because of You"Several years ago my drinking brought my family to the bring of despair."


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Rape, Pregnancy and Restoration

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“One night, my husband Steve, went to church. I was home alone with my two boys. I put them and then myself to bed. A little while later, the light turned on in my room and I mumbled something like, 'Turn off the light.' I thought Steve had come home. But, when I opened my eyes, I saw an African-American man standing in my bedroom. I didn't realize what was happening, so I wasn't afraid, but confused. I asked 'What are you doing here?' He laughed and then I woke up to reality.

“The man threatened my children to get me to comply. I didn't know if my kids were awake or not. I'd been screaming and they weren't waking up, so I thought that maybe something had already happened. I didn't know. I was so afraid for my kids. Then he proceeded to rape me. He tied me up and then after he left, I got free. I checked on my kids and they were sound asleep. I feel strongly that this was God's protection.”

A phone call to Steve.

“I called Steve, but I didn't know how to say the words. It's the most painful experience to say, ‘I've been raped.' The shame is so profound. I told Steve, ‘You have to come home! You have to come home!' Finally, I told him what happened.

“Steve came directly home and took over, which is exactly what I needed because I couldn't function. I let myself cry and then he said, ‘I'm calling the police.' I was so confused that I didn't understand why he would do that. I think that is when he realized that I was really out of it and needed his help.”

A visit from the police and to the hospital.

“I had to tell the story to the police and it was extremely painful. We also went to the hospital and I had to tell the story again. At the time, I was angry that I had to tell the story over and over. Now, I realize it was very healing for me to face reality and realize that even though I was saying what happened that it wouldn't happen again.

“I saw a doctor who gave me the After-Morning Pill. He hardly explained what it was so I called some friends who were doctors. I wanted to do my own research. I found out that it stops the egg from implanting in the wall of the uterus, which I considered to be an abortion, but I couldn't handle the thought of being pregnant.”

Counsel from others.

“My husband, Bible study group and Pastor all counseled me to take the pill. I had to take it within 72 hours for it to be effective and I took it, even though I knew it was wrong.”

The pregnancy.

“Because I was at the height of my fertility the pill didn't work. On one hand I felt a reprieve because I had been a pro-life advocate since I was a little girl. I thought 'Oh good, I didn't kill the baby,' and my other thought was 'Oh no! I'm pregnant!' I was horrified. I didn't know if my husband could handle it. I blamed myself any way I could. I was at a place of despair. I just believed the worst.”

New hope.

“We didn't consider keeping the baby. We called some friends who were good with our kids and asked if they could be the baby's parents. They thought it was an answer to prayer. I was surprised to experience a great sense of loss. I realized that I loved the baby and that I was her mother.”

“At the same time God was working me, He was working on Steve too. About 6 months later we both realized we couldn't give up the baby.”

A celebration of new life.

“By the time Rachel was born, the experience wasn't tainted with painful memories. It was just a wonderful celebration of receiving a new life! Rachel is bubbly, out-going, energetic and beautiful. She is proof of the promises of God. I love having a daughter.”

Hope for other rape victims.

“Many women are afraid to call the police, but if I hadn't done it, I wouldn't be at the place of healing I am today. A woman may try to play down reality or not paint the experience as bad as it was. I guess that is how we try to get out of forgiveness, because if we think it wasn't that bad, we don't have to forgive. But, we have to admit how awful it was and then we can forgive. That's how healing happens.”

Healing through counseling.

“Both my husband and I went to counseling and it was very helpful. It's [counseling] is so important because I would not have gotten to where I am now unless I had gone through the hard work of counseling.”

Healing through family, church and friends.

“They [my community] loved me so much that there wasn't any room in my heart for bitterness and shame. Although I hated that my church family knew, it was the best thing that could have happened.”





Shana Schutte is an editor for Focus on the Family's Internet department.

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